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Depression isn't a choice.

Unfortunately, the amazing actor Robin Williams recently passed away. The cause of death was confirmed as suicide. I read something after his death which I believe is true. Robin Williams didn’t take his own life, depression did. If he didn’t suffer from depression he would still be with us now.

Depression isn’t a choice. It isn’t feeling sad or fed up for a few hours or days. I hate when people say ‘I feel so depressed’ because they’ve seen a character die on their favourite TV show/Film or because their parents won’t buy them the latest fashion trend or Xbox game. You can’t just snap out of depression which most people think will happen or be given a magic tablet and everything’s fine again. It interferes with how you live and changes your life.

For me it changed my whole life. Since leaving school I believe that’s when everything started. I used to have so much confidence at school by the time I left. Unfortunately when the bullying began for me again at college when everyone says they grown up over the 6 weeks from school to college (this doesn’t happen) but I’ve already talked about being bullied throughout my life in another post. Since then my life has never been the same and I’m still unable to live like a normal 21 year old, although that is also because of the Fibromyalgia and M.E.

The reason I suffer from depression is most likely because of being bullied mixed with now suffering from this illness. They’re lots of reasons why people suffer from depression but there isn’t always a cause, sometimes it just happens. Any one, any age, any gender, etc. can suffer from it. Just because Robin Williams was a famous comedian doesn’t mean that he was always happy and smiling. I think a lot of people suffering from depression are good at covering it up.

Some people manage to change their life and are able to manage and cope with depression by treatments like anti-depressants, lifestyle changes like changes in eating or exercise and talking therapies like support groups or CBT. Sometimes something may come along that may just change your life that you weren’t expecting and will help you to find a way to cope. Unfortunately for some people this doesn’t always happen.

Even with the amount of people around you or that support you, depression is very lonely. It’s hard to talk to anyone; I know I felt like that. Even though you want to talk to someone but you don’t want anyone around you and to just hide away. I found talking to someone better, but it took me ages to find the right person besides my family. My family are some of the best people to talk to and it feels better letting them know what I was going through but my mum this year found a psychologist who even specialised in M.E/CFS and Fibromyalgia to go see which has really helped. I was also sick of the amount of tablets I was taking not that any seemed to help me so I’m so glad this came up.

The best thing for me is to be able to talk about it, people will surprise you and they won’t laugh or tell you you’re being silly. If they do, then they aren’t worth your time. There will always be someone else.

Depression is not a sign of weakness; it means you’ve been strong for far too long.

Next time (which I say this every time) will be posted a lot sooner I’ll talk about my Gynaecology appointment last week, maybe leaving out a few grim details. I mentioned a few weeks ago that I was finally been taken seriously by doctors about maybe having Endometriosis and this is what this whole appointment was about.

If anyone wants to comment here or on facebook and twitter I really don’t mind. If you want to speak to me privately you can private message me on facebook and twitter or email me. I’ll put all my details below.

Natasha
Xoxo

Facebook - facebook.com/NJSpychalski
Twitter - twitter.com/NJSpychalski

Email - natasha_spychalski_1@hotmail.com

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