I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to write another post but I’ve been so busy for once as my Dad turned 50 last week and my Mum and Dad had a joint birthday party which I have been helping to organise, also I decided it would be a good idea to make my Dad a scrapbook of his whole life (30 years of which I wasn’t even there) and I’m still not finished.
Anyway, someone asked me about being bullied and how that means it has affected me with my M.E and Fibromyalgia. As I have said in previous blogs, there is no known cause for M.E or Fibromyalgia but one theory is that besides a virus, which I did have, is that it could be down to stress and anxiety which doctors and specialists believe is due to me being bullied throughout the whole of my school life.
So, basically, I don’t remember a year since Year 1 – Year 13(last year of college) in which I wasn’t bullied. There were never the same people and always picked on something different every time, I’m starting to wonder if I carried on with education into University if there would be anything left for people to pick up on. It seemed that I was the quiet one when I was younger and I think that’s why people picked me. I wore glasses in Year 1 so I was 5 going on 6 and they were the cutest glasses ever, they had Piglet from Winnie the Pooh on the side but I felt singled out by my teacher as she kept having to tell me to put them back on as I would take them off and try get away with not wearing them, this made me stand out more and then the bullying began.
Throughout the next 12 years I was bullied in different ways, I won’t name any names as most people have apologised to me, but I will never really forgive or forget especially now. I was bullied for my weight, because I was skinny, people used to walk past me shouting at me saying I was bulimic or anorexic whilst throwing stones at me. I have been taunted on Facebook and prank called and sent texts which resulted in me having to change my number a few times. I was called a geek for wearing a tie properly for a whole year that went on. I was also told when I was in Year 6 that someone wished I was dead because we had a mutual friend. They would tell lies to teachers saying I was bullying them and I ended up being the one shouted at. So many times I received threats that people were going to beat me up after school that I would run home or ask my mum to pick me up.
This is just a few of the times I was bullied. I would write down what happened and my mum found my list which she sent into school. I didn’t want to go into school anymore. Fortunately this had a good response and I got several apologies. But it didn’t stop it from happening again.
I won’t explain anymore as I’m finding it hard just writing as much as I have so far and I feel the worst of it all should be kept private. But I have explained different experiences I went through with bullying from violence mentally and physically.
Anyway, my whole point of this was to say how it has affected my life now. After I was diagnosed with M.E and Fibromyalgia I chose to leave Uni after only a few days. I felt I couldn’t carry on with the pain and tiredness but also the thought of being bullied again scared me to death. I know it’s Uni and everyone’s supposed to have grown up, but I thought the same about college and nothing changed at all. I have ended up with severe anxiety and barely ever want to leave the house. I do go out, and if you see me I’ll put on a brave face, although sometimes in town shopping you may see me running into Waterstones to hide in there whilst I’m waiting to meet someone. I also find that thinking about all this and my past also makes my pains worse, which no matter what I do I can’t seem to get the past out of my head.
I’ve lost everything and almost everyone because of this and I don’t think my life will ever be the same again. I have no life at the moment because of the bullying, but I am slowly rebuilding my life now and not letting the bullies win anymore! The worst part was the some of the bullies were supposed to be my friends, but it just shows that they never were and I don’t need them in my life.
If you are getting bullied, you shouldn’t have to hide. You’re not the one who has done anything wrong and you shouldn’t have to feel alone. What I did, by writing it all down and showing it a parent or teacher is so much easier than telling someone face to face and I’m glad I did in the end. Yes, I did continue to be bullied but not by them same people. I have found writing it down a release, especially if it is stopping you from sleeping then when you feel ready to, you can confide in someone you trust. Just look what happened to me when I kept it all hidden away for so long, you don’t want to end up like me and have to live and cope with an illness because of other people.
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